i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
