Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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