I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
