I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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