my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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