I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
