Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
