Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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