between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
