That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
