WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
