He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
