uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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