She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
