i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
