come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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