I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
