oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize