well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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