I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
