Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just want nice things and good sex
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
