I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
