no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
