I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need to calm my uterus...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
