Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
high people should be assigned attendants
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
