I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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