oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
