Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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