can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
