OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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