it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
