Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
