I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
