Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
