'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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