What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
