I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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