my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
