I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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