Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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