No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
