Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
