i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
