What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
