I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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