i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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