maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
