I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize