he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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