she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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