There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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