she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
