So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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