You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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