Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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