It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
