based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
