Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
