I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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