Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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