Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize