Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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