just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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