She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
