Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
