i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
