Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This baby is an asshole
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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