thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
