I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
