she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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