What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
