I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
