butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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