Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
