I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I understand Curling. That high.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
