I cockslap morals
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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