I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
