im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
