Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
this hospital has no fireball
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
