when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
