last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
