I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
as a side note pls kill me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
