how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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