my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
