my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
