matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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