I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
