you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
