pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
