I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dear god my vagina.
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