She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
