fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
