I'm pants shitting drunk right now
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
