Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
