Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
