Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
