you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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